Transcript

Hello, hello, and welcome back to The Hormone Hub. I am your host, Kylie Pinwill, and I am very excited to have an amazing guest today. So I [00:01:00] was lucky enough to be a guest on this lady’s Midlife Talk series that she ran earlier this year. And our guest today is the one and only Sheree Clarke. So Sheree is a midlife courage coach, who has a practice called Fork in the Road.

Now, Sheree says she became a courage coach because it takes guts to live the second half of your life for you, when we’ve lived the first half for everyone else. Now, if you’ve been following me for a while, you know you’ve heard me talk, now is your time. We’ve got a whole new open, open page in front of us.

So Sheree has written and presented topics ranging, from managing regrets, to finding your passion and overcoming career burnout. She’s a serial entrepreneur, a woman after my own heart. Sheree owned a successful advertising agency for over 25 years before she pivoted to become a life coach when she was in her fifties.

So ladies, anything is possible for you too. [00:02:00] But Sheree didn’t abandon that creativity of the advertising world when she started her coaching practice. She’s well known for her fun talks and presentations, which I can vouch for because I’ve been part of it, as well as the unique exercises she’s developed to help clients, getting their goals as well.

So when she’s not being fabulous and you know, well, let’s face it, she’s always fabulous. In her personal time, Sheree enjoys spending time in her beautiful art Deco home, which has been featured in a variety of publications, which I’m gonna be Googling the heck out of later. Sheree and her main Coon Cat Lotus also work on their yoga poses.

Alright, so I have one burning question. Sheree. What is a main coon cat? 

Sheree: Well, thank you first for having me here. It’s a pleasure to join you today, Kylie. So, um, Lotus is a main coon cat. It’s a special breed of cat. [00:03:00] They are long hair. They are known for their size. He’s enormous. 

Kylie: Also gonna be a big mountain cat.

Sheree: He’s big. Yes. And he looks like a lynx because he’s got those little furry tips on his ears and they are also known for their intelligence. So Lotus is brilliant and he is also a, a guest every week in my newsletter, he has a little column where he gives, a one or two sentence bit of advice. 

Kylie: I love it. I’m going looking for that. Oh, okay. Alright, so Sheree, let’s just jump in I talk about with my audience and the ladies who are listening is, when we hit 50, when we hit menopause, this isn’t the end of the road. I think when you’re in the thick of, you’ve still got, teenage or young adult children who need you. Your parents are getting older and their needs are changing. You’re still juggling work career, and then you’ve got all these crazy hormonal symptoms going on. It can feel like this is gonna last forever, but there, there [00:04:00] truly is light on the other side. So do you wanna talk us through like, What that looks like. What was your story, once you came out of the other side, and what do you see in other women? 

Sheree: Well, here’s the thing. You know, we talk about menopause and a lot of times there’s a tendency to fall into talking about the physicality of it. You know, hot flashes and hormones and not having a period, and then you go 11 months and then dammit it comes.

And so I’m not officially menopause. We’ve all had that. Yeah. The false alarm. And so you, you have a tendency to start thinking about that and the reality is that menopause to me is something even more grand. I picked grand is the word because it’s a portal to another part of our lives. So for me, menopause is, it’s a transition time, just like a adolescence or when you hit puberty and you go from being a girl into a woman. When [00:05:00] you are menopausal, you go from being the child-bearing years to me, into the crone or the wise woman, or the one who gets to be on her own, who gets to come into her own and do the things that are important to her. So for me, menopause is stepping into your next and greatest chapter. It’s learning to be able to say, This is what I want.

This is who I am. This is what I am not because as, as you indicated during my introduction, we’ve been so many things for other people. That first half of our lives, we’ve given up so much surrendered, and now it’s a time. For us to say, here’s what I wanna do in the time I’ve got remaining. 

Kylie: Yeah, a hundred percent. And that’s it. If we’re 50 or you know, between the age of like, I guess our listeners are in their forties, in their fifties, close to 60. And we do have a lot of listeners in their [00:06:00] sixties too, but that’s it. You know, we still have a lot of life left to live, so it’s not game over.

Sheree: Right. It’s so much. That’s so true. And I have, you know, in full transparency, I’m 66 and I feel better and more vibrant and more connected to myself, more energetic, more passionate than I ever have because you get to a point where you say, I don’t care what other people think I, this is, you know what I’m saying?

Kylie: Yeah, definitely. I love that. So what is, so in your work, and I know you’re about to, to pivot in, what you are doing again, so the queen of reinvention, but in your work as a courage coach, what is it that you are helping women with? 

Sheree: It depends. The topic areas that I deal in, with women are as varied as our life experiences.

So for, for some, it’s the [00:07:00] dissatisfaction that might set in with a career you’ve been in too long, or perhaps it’s a career that you chose when you were very young, you weren’t even, you know, maybe you were 18 when you picked the major that you were gonna be in college and now you’re 58 and after that many years you think, I’m not sure I like this anymore.

So it’s, it’s time for that. It could be, your primary relationships, which might be a spousal relationships or relationships with adult children. A relationships with aging parents, relationships with friends, because those evolve, that’s a big area. Sometimes it’s purpose. Why am I here?

I’ve done this great work and I’m successful career-wise. My kids are gone and launched, or they’re about ready to launch. What am I gonna do with the rest of my life? Why am I here? In some cases, if your kids haven’t launched, it’s going through that grieving process of I’m gonna be an empty nester.

What the hell do I do now? So those are the kinds of topics that I deal in. Is that what you were [00:08:00] asking? 

Kylie: Absolutely. And I think that’s, that’s perfect. That’s so relevant to our audiences when you’re talking about the kids are ready to launch. My eldest son flies overseas, his first overseas trip on his own on Friday.

Oh, I’m getting teary just thinking about it. I’m all for independent kids. Go see the world, you know, fly and then yeah. I think it’s the reality of that’s just starting to hit me Now. It’s like, oh, happy for and excited and in way kinda just going, oh my God, where did my last 25 years go, because it’s sort of, that was me five minutes ago.

You know, in my head I was the one off traveling and then now like, I’m so happy for him to do it. It’s like, oh, I wanna get back to that too. 

Sheree: Absolutely. It’s the whole, what you’ve just described is the mixed churn of emotions. It’s not one emotion. Oh good, I’m happy, or, [00:09:00] oh, I’m so sad. It’s all of those emotions.

And they’re, mixed in there with the joy, the joy for him and the joy of recollecting your own, entry into that part of adulthood is the grief of realizing that that chapter of your life and your relationship with him is concluded. 

Kylie: Yeah, I know, I know. 

And that’s it. And then you throw in, like, I’m terrified of, you know, cuz you think of all the, the terrible things. I think when I think back to what I put my parents through, I communicated with them by fax occasionally. It wasn’t even, uh, I’m gonna FaceTime you and annoy the heck out of you every single day.

Sheree: And so you faxed them when you needed money. 

Kylie: Hundred percent. Yeah. Hey mum, love you. Oh and i’m broke. 

Sheree: It’s the topics, but it’s also, what we’re talking about now, it’s navigating the emotions of the subjects. The subject matter really doesn’t, doesn’t really make all [00:10:00] that much difference to me as a coach. If you’re dealing with it, if you feel it, if you have something stirring inside of you, it’s a subject I can address.

What matters is to me is, That you get to a place where you’re not just trying to get away from the feeling where you want me to help you, numb it out, take it away. Make me stop feeling the grief or the anger, or the worry or the angst or whatever it is where you have the courage. Why I’m a courage coach.

To walk toward that change, to walk through that change. To embrace it. Yeah. And to realize that this is also a portal for you, for your next chapter. 

Kylie: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And I think I see a lot of women who are just stuck, who can’t get past that, you know? And whether it shows up as , they’re drinking just to block out.

And numb those feelings. Or if they’re turning to food to numb those feelings. Or if they’re, like you said, that [00:11:00] primary relationship, are they just in a household, in a marriage, they’re, cohabitating with a person that they used to be in love with. And, then the pressures too, I see with a lot of women, and again, it comes back to coping mechanisms of alcohol and food and things like that is 

you know, the changing relationship with older parents and, facing, the parents are getting diagnosis of dementia or, whatever it may be. But they’re stepping into that carer role as, as a carer for their parents, so they’re not having time to actually take a breath for themselves.

Sheree: And realizing that there’s another layer. The things that you just described are so beautiful because there’s multi-layers to them. If you have siblings and you have parents who are aging and need to be, some decisions need to be made. Let’s not forget that those sibling relationships are gonna be affected.

Probably negatively, because there’s gonna be disagreements. I do more for mum than you do. [00:12:00] You haven’t paid for as much. Well, I don’t make as much. All of that conflict, the disagreement, the, our, they need, we needed to get their driver’s license taken away. No, we don’t. They could.

It’s fine. You know, all of that. So every bit of it. It’s not just the one thing you’re dealing with, it’s all of the other. 

Kylie: Yeah. Yeah. 

Kylie: And what would your advice be to, so say a woman listening to this, just going, okay, yep, that’s me. What would, what would the first step, like, what would you say, or where would you recommend her first step be?

Sheree: Not run away from it. You’ve alluded to one way of running away and that’s numbing out, whether it’s food, alcohol, shopping, any of the things that we do. But another way of, walking away from it is to refuse to talk about it. In that sibling example, oftentimes if there’s multiple siblings, there’s one sibling that doesn’t even wanna talk about it.

Doesn’t even wanna admit that dad has a problem that mum’s showing signs of early dementia. Just figures. If I go la, la, la, la, la, I can’t see you. I can’t hear you. That it’s gone. So the first step is acknowledging there’s something that needs to be acknowledged. Yes. And that’s sometimes difficult.

And, [00:14:00] and then the second step is to say, I have the courage to handle this, and I don’t have to eat the elephant all today. All I need to do today is take one baby step toward. Resolution toward peace, toward whatever. So sticking with the example of the aging parents would be to find out what resources might be available in your area, your region, your neighborhood, wherever it is that you live, to provide assistance.

It’s different from country to country. What’s provided by government assistance, what’s provided through insurance or what’s available to you. So become knowledgeable and learn what’s what those things are, because there’s probably more available to you than you realize. And we’re just using aging parents.

But there’s lots of other things too. It’s family members with mental illness. It’s someone with an addiction or gambling problem that’s in your life. Maybe [00:15:00] it’s you with the addiction or the gambling problem, whatever those things are, bite-size it and, or a first step could be to talk to somebody, whether that’s a therapist, a coach, a trusted other.

Do something. 

Kylie: Yeah. Yeah. And I think that’s it. It’s, it’s having the conversation so. Then makes it real. And it also, yeah, you’re addressing the elephant in the room and then I had a conversation with a lady, just the other day. And so she is, trying to hold all the balls together.

She and her husband of 30 years separated, but he’s still in the house. And it was, and she was talking about, and she was just like, blurting out all this stuff about how she felt. And I said to her, I said, is this the first time you’ve talked about it? And she said, yes. and she said, oh, and, and that was the thing.

Like I wasn’t gonna fix her problems for her. I didn’t have any, , I know nothing about her life or anything like that, but just the, the holding the space for her to be able to get it [00:16:00] off her chest. And then she said to me afterwards, she said, oh, even saying it out loud makes me realize I need to do something about this.

You know, we can’t just keep going cuz she said I’m miserable. So. So it was, yeah, it was a big conversation to have and like I felt. Like part of me, that that little kind of go, oh my God, I’m not equipped to deal, I’m not a marriage counselor. But then I kind of went, stepped back and I was like, well, no, actually I’m just listening.

You know, that’s, that’s all my role needs to be right now. I need to listen. I don’t need to fix. That’s good advice too, if you are on the the receiving end as a friend. You know, be the friend and just listen. So, you know, I think that’s a really valuable thing because we get caught up in our own little space going on in our own head that we forget, to listen to others too. 

Sheree: There’s an expression I like. Something like a burden shared is a burden halved. So, you it’s, it basically just like unloading and you don’t have to have the answers or the [00:17:00] solutions or the fix, it’s just like you said, providing space.

Kylie: Yeah. Yeah, and I actually probably on the more extreme end of this, and I think it was more sort of directed towards youth mental health, was I would rather listen. I’d rather spend time listening to you, to your problem, no matter what you think it is, than go to your funeral. Yes. And that, that kind of like got me and I was like, oh, you know, that was sort of one that kind of hit in the heart .

You know, I guess we jump from aging parents to spouses to youth suicide, but, you know, I, I think it’s, it’s all of the things that, that are part of our world these days. 

Sheree: It absolutely is, and it’s everything in between. In a given day I’ll talk to someone who is worried about losing their job, and then someone who just lost their job, and then somebody else that wants to retire and somebody that wishes they could retire.

So we’re all in different spots, and it might be around the same subject, but at the end of the day, There’s discomfort, there’s something that I want different than what it is [00:18:00] now. And so it’s really just it’s, and the answers are the same. The answers are, have the courage. Take the steps, do the research, find the support, and it’s just really doing it in tandem or in community, finding that assistance that you need.

Kylie: Absolutely. And the thing is too, we get to choose, we get to choose to stay the same or we get to choose to make a change, you know? And like you said, it doesn’t have to be a big dramatic change all in one go, but you know, if we just explore what the options are, it’s a step towards making change.

Sheree: Yes, exactly. 

Kylie: I think that’s really powerful. 

Sheree: It provides some relief in itself. Just saying, okay, well I didn’t know that this existed, or, wow, this is, even if you, even if the answer that you discover is, wow, this is bigger than I realized, you at least know how to suit up for [00:19:00] the game.

Kylie: Yeah. So ladies, if you are listening to this, and if this is resonating with you, I would love to hear from you. Certainly hit reply to an email or send me a DM because I think this is, this is really juicy conversation, which I’m absolutely loving. I’m sure there’s gonna be ladies, so whether that’s a change with your health, whether that’s a change in your, work

environment, family situation, home, kids, whatever it is, what are you choosing to step up for yourself for? 

Sheree: You know, Kylie, there’s something that you just made me think of that I wanted to share, and that is this, the examples that we’ve given and the things that we’re talking about are in some ways responses to things that happen to us.

Lose your job or, an aging parent or a marriage that’s gone sour. We don’t have to wait for a crisis to be proactive about going after what we want in life when we’re midlife. So for [00:20:00] example, if you’re feeling a little bit like, I’ve always wanted to. Fill in the blank. Whatever the fill in the blank is.

Yeah. And it could be something on your bucket list. It might be travel to a particular country or see some wonderful site in the world, or visit the Sistine Chapel, whatever it is. Or try something new as a career, volunteer, whatever. That, that counts too. That that also is one of those things.

Don’t wait for something else to push you toward, needing to act. If there’s something in the back of your mind that’s stirring, that’s a positive, wonderful, fabulous thing, not something terrible that you’re trying to get away from going for, that can also be, in some cases, in some ways, the shiny object that distracts you from the things that might not be perfect in life.

I can think of a time when I was unhappy career-wise. I. And there were some hobbies and things that I wanted to do and wanted to pursue, and I pursued them with [00:21:00] reckless abandon because I didn’t get fat from them or addicted or, or spend a ton of money. It was, it was proactive. Great things that helped me get through a tough time that I was kind of, Mired in.

And so remember that you can be proactive. 

Kylie: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. Well, Sheree, thank you so much for coming on the show today. I think we’ve got everybody starting to think about, I can make some changes and it’s okay. Give yourself permission to step forward and, and make the changes as well because you know, we don’t have to stay stuck and there is certainly.

We hit midlife. There’s a fork in the road, and, there’s a whole new world waiting for us on the other side. 

Okay, so if ladies would like to find out more about you, Sheree and I know that you are sort of running your, your program, so how can, how can people find you? 

Sheree: My web address is www dot fork, f o r k [00:22:00] hyphen road, r o a d.com.

And that’s the best way to find me. You can email me on that site. You can learn about some of the, the things that I do, and that would be the best way. And then get on my newsletter list and then you can get, the advice that Lotus doles out every week. 

Kylie: Absolutely. And I’ll make sure that your details are in our show notes as well.

So that will go out to everybody. Thank you so much Sheree, for coming on the show. It has been a great conversation. Again, I love having guests on the show like you who, who get us thinking.

So thank you so much. I appreciate it. 

Sheree: My pleasure.