Transcript

Kylie: [00:00:00] Hello hello ladies and welcome back to the Hormone Hub. So today we have a great guest, Edwina Murphy-Droomer. Now I met Edwina, I was a guest on her extraordinary, more extraordinary every day summit. And we had such a great time, and, you know, it was just such a beautiful summit to be part of.

It was so inspiring, so uplifting, so I really wanted to invite Edwina on the podcast today so she could share some of her magic with you, and I’m sure you will yeah, notice this straight away. So Edwina is an audacious life designer and a talk show host, so welcome Edwina, It is great to have you here.

Edwina: I am thrilled to be here, Kylie. Thank you so much for having me. 

Kylie: Yeah, pleasure. So, would you like to, you know, just share with our audience, you know, a bit about [00:01:00] yourself and you know, what, what do we mean when we have an audacious life. 

Edwina: Well, I’ll, I’ll go back a little bit cause I feel like it’s really, it’s, it’s helpful to give context to some of these titles that we give ourselves.

So, you know, I feel like my, my journey to where I am now really starts when I was being launched into womanhood. So that transition from being a high school girl to a young adult, and when I left school, I had a very healthy dose of not good enough syndrome, I call it. So I wasn’t smart enough. I wasn’t academic, you know, like I just wasn’t academic.

I wasn’t pretty enough. I wasn’t thin enough, I wasn’t likable enough. I wasn’t sporty enough. I wasn’t musical enough. I, you know, like I just, I launched myself into being an adult, not enough. And I think, you know, as we go through school, we pick up these belief [00:02:00] systems about who we are and what is possible for us and wear them like a heavy cloak.

And for many of us, we wear those belief systems for, for life. So you have this idea that I’ll never be popular, which in adults speak is I don’t make friends easily or I don’t have many friends. I am not smart, so I’ll never be wealthy. We connect all these things together. I wasn’t good at art at school, so I’m not creative and we wear, we carry this belief system and it really determines the choices that we make as we move through life. So I, you know, with that belief system, the choices that I made between there and my first marriage breaking up was meant that I, when a, when a boy liked me, [00:03:00] I was just grateful that they liked me.

It didn’t particularly matter whether or not they were gonna be a great partner for me. I was just so grateful that somebody liked me and it validated that I was a worthwhile human being. That I was worthy of being seen, of being heard, of belonging to something or someone. And so I had a series of relationships that weren’t good, that didn’t serve me well, which led to marrying a man that was, who was not a great fit for me as a life partner.

Yeah. And we had four beautiful children together. I’ve got two boys and two girls. And when my youngest son was five months old, my first marriage broke up, so I became a sole care parent single parent, with four children under eight. And that was, you know, obviously in my life journey, that was a pivotal [00:04:00] moment.

And I can remember, you know, I’ve always been a real foodie. And we lived in the country and I had the most beautiful veggie garden, and he literally left from, I didn’t know it was gonna happen from one day to the next. We had a, we had a blow up one day. He packed a bag and walked away and I remember sitting on the wall of my veggie garden absolutely just, you know, the, I, I struggle to find the words that, that articulate what I was going through well, but I’m sure the women listening to this can identify in some way because we’ve all had horrific moments, and it was, I was so lost and so unbelievably heartbroken and sad. And scared and every emotion, and then telling my children that their dad was gone [00:05:00] and, you know, so there was, there was a lot in there, but it was an intense period of grief and readjustment for about 12 months until I realized that at some point in that 12 months, it had actually been a gift to me in my life, because I was forced to pull up my big girl pants and take responsibility for my life and for my kids, and to stop giving responsibility to other people and looking to other people for validation that I was enough.

I had to be enough because I had these four beautiful kids that were relying on me. That’s huge. So that, you know, like that really was a period, You know, I, I talk about period of transformation, and I think that transformation’s one of those words that can get thrown around and it feels slightly woo woo or a bit like coach speak.

But [00:06:00] if we think about transformational metaphor, morphosis in the, in terms of a caterpillar becoming a butterfly, you, you break down completely. You get mushy. You become something completely different coming out the other side. So that’s what I mean when I talk about transformation. Yeah. So that was, you know, like that was where I started to grow into being me.

Unapologetically. Now. It doesn’t happen overnight. . 

Kylie: Yeah, . So, and I think, I think as you go through life, it’s always a work in progress.

Edwina: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. So, you know, I had in amongst all that chaos, I studied to become a naturopath, and that was, I only worked in that field for a very short amount of time, but it was one of the greatest things I ever did because I used my knowledge as a naturopath to raise my family and to take care of my own health.

Part of my story is that I’ve [00:07:00] been on a diet since I was about 14, I think. So that’s in, like, that is part of, part of my story, but I’ve always had a an incredibly good, whole Foods nourishing diet, and that’s what my kids are being raised on. And I’m very proud of the fact that my kids had next to no antibiotics, medications or, you know, like all these things.

They were raised naturally so they know how to take care of their health from using what Mother Nature provides, and that’s something that I’m very proud of. But you know, I went on and did functional nutrition and I was what, you know, one of those people that I know a lot of your audience will relate to that just kept studying.

You know, like, it was like when I know the next thing I will be confident enough to help. Yes. Well, when I know the next thing. 

Kylie: Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Actually, it’s funny you should say that. I have an extraordinary number of ladies inside my program who are doing Masters and PhDs and [00:08:00] Yeah just that, you know, and they also, you know, have kids that they’re looking after and full-time jobs and you know, and they just sort of layer this on top. So I think it’s that striving that it is next level is. 

Edwina: Yeah. Yeah. And I think it’s part of indoctrinated belief and you know, we have these six human needs from a psychology perspective, and I won’t go into that in detail, but it’s certainty, uncertainty, and significance is one of them.

And so I’ve worked with numerous, lots of professionals, but I’m thinking about one woman in particular who was a chemist and she really wanted to shift out of doing that work, but letting go of that title is really difficult because it gives us a level of significance. Now that there’s nothing about that that’s wrong or, you know, it’s not about right or wrong, it’s just about being curious and noticing.

And I notice in myself that I still wanna [00:09:00] tell people that I’m a qualified naturopath because I feel like it gives me validation. Validation, some kind of, you know, a title and we, we want that. And it’s just recognizing it for what it is. Yep. 

Kylie: Sorry, I’m just gonna sort of interject there.

And I think it’s an identity thing as well. I know personally when I had kids, I went from, you know, I was the, the national sales manager of a quite a well known accessories company back then. So if anyone remembers the Fiorelli bags with the little gray whistle , I used to sell those. Yeah.

But the, when I had kids and I decide, I chose to be a stay at home mom there for a period and, but it just, It never sat well because I lost, I was only a stay at home mom and it was just, yeah, like this, my confidence [00:10:00] crumbled, my, everything crumbled because I didn’t have that title anymore. Yeah, Yeah. And I think similar thing what I’ve noticed is, you know, when women go through menopause, that loss of identity of who they were and you know, it is a bit of a, a tipping point I think for a lot of women in, in their sort of early or throughout their fifties really. 

Edwina: A hundred percent. A hundred percent. And it’s worth noting that we can use our need for significance for things that serve us well and for things that don’t serve us. Yeah. So the other way that we use significance, and I’ll relate it back to my own story, was as a victim. So I was, you know, I told the story a lot about how I was a single mum with four kids, and that was why I was exhausted, fat, sick, never had enough money, you know, like, and that [00:11:00] victim, that seeing myself as a victim of something gave me significance. 

Kylie: Yes. Wasn’t your fault. 

Edwina: Yeah, that’s right. And it’s easy to allow these stories of being a victim of something and you know, this can be big things or it can be small things. Yeah. I’m in a foul mood today because my kids have been rah ra, ra ra.

Yeah. We’ve all done that. But the reality is when you start to shift your thinking to a more personal responsibility rather than victim of, it’s no fault, blame, guilt, shame. It’s just looking at with curiosity because I realized that I did that. A lot. You know, my day I’m exhausted because my kids’ this and they all need this and I’ve gotta do the washing and I’ve gotta do, and so when I. 

Kylie: And oh my God, I may, I need to have that bottle of wine. Oh yeah. Get me through that. Or that, that bag of chips or yeah, dinner has to be take away or, 

Edwina: Yeah. [00:12:00] Self, self soothing through food and alcohol is another whole conversation. Yeah. And we’ve, you know, like once again, we’ve all been there. So it’s not like always just say, No fault, blame, guilt, shame this, these conversations are just about going, being curious.

It’s like, ah, that’s an interesting way to look at it. That’s, that’s my only intention. 

Kylie: Bringing the awareness to it. Yeah, that’s right. That’s right. So change starts is with the awareness. 

Edwina: Yeah, so part of the method that I support women to shift from that sort of victim thinking to a more empowered way of thinking is just shifting the language because you don’t have to make dinner for the family.

You can sit on the couch and put your feet up. Yeah, you can. There’s, there’s gonna be a loaf of bread or, you know, some beans in the veggie drawers, a fruit bowl. Your kids can find food and feed themselves. I mean, obviously once they’re past a certain age, but,[00:13:00] you, you know, it’s a choice. You don’t have to do the laundry.

You can choose to do the laundry. You don’t have to go to work. You can go on the dole. You don’t have to, you know. So if you choose, if you choose to say, ‘I choose to’ rather than ‘I have to’. It is amazing how it shifts your energy. Now it can take some practice. If you’ve been saying something on repeat for possibly years, it can take a little bit of practice, but it is amazing.

I choose to eat a green salad with every meal rather than, Oh, I have to get my greens in today. Oh yeah. It is amazing. And the thing that happens is that when you start to recognize this in yourself and when you start to practice this, you are role modeling for the people around you. And so don’t say anything, but you can just over time you will start to notice.

Now I [00:14:00] remember there’s a a fat loss protocol that I do every year, and my youngest son, who’s now a strapping six foot 15 year old, would say to me, Oh, so you can’t eat this, can you, mum? And I was like, Of course I can eat it. I’m just choosing not to. Big difference. Massive. You’re trying to lose weight and you go, Oh, I can’t eat this and I can’t eat that.

Yes. Yes. Yeah. When I was working as an naturopath, I used to say to clients, Never say never. The minute you say, I’m never gonna eat that again. It’s the only thing you will think about. 

Kylie: Absolutely. And I do that with my clients as well. Like we focus on what you can eat. Yeah. And you, there are things that you know and that aren’t ideal, but when we look at all the things we can have, and then when you give yourself permission to enjoy the thing that’s not necessarily yes, ideal. Enjoy it. [00:15:00] And then let it go. But because you’ve given yourself permission, you’ve chosen to eat it, own it and then let it go. And then as soon as you give yourself permission, it takes that wanting and that that need for you to have that so. 

Edwina: Well it, it gives that fomo, I’ve, you can tell I’ve got, had a lot of kids. That, that fear of missing out the minute you sort of inject that into your reptilian brain, it goes into hyper drive. 

Kylie: And choosing and being aware of the consequences too. Like, I choose to exercise or, you know what? Today I choose not to exercise. You know, it’s, it, it goes both ways. Yeah. 

Edwina: And it really, I talked about the power of language and how we can use these terms like transformation and the other word that I happen to love, but I always give meaning or context to is empowered. And, you know, what does it mean to be an empowered woman?

It [00:16:00] means that you accept 100% responsibility for your experience of life. So, if I want to be healthy, if I want to be happy, if I wanna be strong, if I wanna be positive, it is up to me. Nobody else, nobody else can make me anything. If you decide. Now it, you know that responsibility doesn’t sound like a particularly sexy word, but I promise once you know I paid I think in excess of $20,000 to go to the US to do leadership training. And the one thing you know, this is a $20,000 little nugget for your audience that I’m giving freely. The one thing that I took away from all those trips to the US and what I learned was personal responsibility. If you take this one nugget, this simple strategy, [00:17:00] it will change your life. It can change your life. So you can work with the most phenomenal naturopaths, like Kylie or you know, whoever you are choosing to work with, and they will give you tips, tools, tricks, strategies, whatever it is that you are wanting that work. But the only person that can make them work is you. It’s personal responsibility. 

Kylie: Hundred percent. Yep. Yeah. 

Edwina: Yeah. And I think, you know, so to, just to, to complete the story you asked at the beginning, you know what it is, you know, the Audacious Life Designer. So part of that is that what I recognize is that we have to, you know, it’s very easy for us to come up with all the things that we don’t want and why we feel unhappy and that we want to feel differently and we want to have a different [00:18:00] experience of life.

We want to be more, do more, have more, but unless you have a clear actionable vision for what that is. That is not just rolling around in your head, but it is down on paper. You will forever get yourself in a position where self-sabotage and limiting beliefs and that cloudy idea of wanting more persists, but you don’t know what that more is.

 Now I I can almost guarantee that the vast majority of women listening to this will have a sense of they want more, but are not sure what it is. Unless you understand the power of creating a clear, actionable vision. Now I do vision boards and I do them conventionally and unconventionally. There’s different ways that I do them, but the very first step that I do with women is provide the, the support [00:19:00] needed to create a picture, a clear, actionable picture of who they wanna be, what they wanna do, and what they wanna have in this new chapter of their life. Because the women that I work with are typically 50 plus.

 And it’s a, you know, it’s a time of change. A lot of us have got, you know, we’re looking at either empty nest syndrome or, you know, we’re already there or it’s approaching, career stuff might be changing. It’s a, it’s a time of change and so it is a fantastic opportunity to get clear yes, what you want this next chapter to look like.

So that’s the difference between living proactively and reactively. 

Kylie: Yeah, that’s it. And you know, just trudging through in survival mode and then coming out the other end, and I interviewed a couple of weeks ago, a lady Joy Overstreet, and she’s, she was 82. And she just released a book.

She [00:20:00] still, she still runs a business. She’s a color consultant and, you know, she was amazing. But she said, you know, her one take home message for, you know, all the ladies listening was the best is yet to come. Oh yeah. And I just thought, you know, that is so true because if we, we potentially have at age 50, we’ve got another 30, 40, 50 years left in this body and in this life. So, you know, it’s not, I’m too old, I’m too tired. I’m past it. I, you know, and I, I think a lot of women, you know, are, are exhausted. And you know, and rightfully so, like, it’s a busy time of life. But just knowing, I think, and I think having these conversations is, is great because it’s sort of like showing that there’s more on the other side.

And it’s about you, beause your kids are older. More independent. It’s, it’s your time. 

Edwina: Yeah. It absolutely is. And I, [00:21:00] I think there’s, there’s multiple layers to the exhaustion conversation. Yeah. Because there is exhaustion that comes if your diet isn’t great, if you’re not moving your body enough, if you’re not getting enough sleep.

There’s the, the physical reasons for exhaustion. But what I find more, more typically is that the exhaustion comes from a lack of magic in your life. So it is that feeling of like, just dragging yourself through life. It is that feeling of like, I’ve lost my excitement, enthusiasm, hope for the future. That the future is gonna hold something fabulous. 

Kylie: Yeah. That’s it. Because we’re missing that vision. 

Edwina: The vision’s gone. 

Kylie: Yeah. Yeah. Whereas when we finish school, we maybe wanted to go traveling or, you know, go to uni and, you know, there was, get married, have kids. You know, there are all those things to look forward to, but, you know, no one ever really tells us what happens after 50.

Like what happens. Yeah. [00:22:00] We hear all the negative things. 

Edwina: Yeah. It just gets to be a phenomenally exciting chapter of our lives. But it, it takes being surrounded by the right people because in society on general, if you listen to the mainstream narrative and the typical normal conversations, we are programmed to accept or expect the inevitable decline of our health, of our looks, of our significance, of our value as women in society. It’s just this, this programmed, dogmatic messaging that’s like you can just expect it all to be downhill from here, and that is total and utter bs. I don’t know if I’m to swear on this, but there are moments where, but you, it’s very difficult to change that conversation in your head if you are not surrounded by people who are having different conversations.

Kylie: Absolutely. Absolutely. I love [00:23:00] this conversation. This is great. I hope, you know, if you are listening and you feel like you are in the thick of it and you can’t see light at the end of the tunnel, you know, there absolutely is, you know, it just starts with that awareness and as Edwina just said, you know, changing that, that framework, you know? I choose to. I choose to eat well, I choose to have, you know, and start baby steps. I choose to have breakfast. I choose to, you know, to go for a walk. Choose to, you know, catch up with a friend. You know, and it can be the smallest steps. And those small steps when they’re done consistently.

 You know, and it’s that consistency and just that reinforcement that you, you’re choosing you. 

Edwina: And I think it’s, you know, if I can add another little piece to that, we act on feelings, not on information. And so if [00:24:00] you feel, if you’ve lost sight of why you are wanting to eat better or you know, if it’s become a should rather than I am so excited about the end result, then it makes it very difficult to have those things in place.

So. If you get a clear picture in your head of the rockin body, you’re gonna have the fabulous clothes you’re gonna wear, the energy that you’re gonna have, how much more confident you know when you know when you are, if we use the weight conversation, cause it’s not necessarily everybody needs to lose weight, but everyone can relate to..

Yeah, but it’s like it changes how you walk into a room. It changes the intimacy that you have with your partner. It changes how you dress yourself. It changes how you move when you exercise. It’s, you know, so if you get really clear and excited about, Oh my gosh, these are the clothes I’m gonna be able to wear again, and I’m gonna, you know, like you can give yourself this fabulous confidence [00:25:00] boost in all sorts of areas of your life. And so when you get that vision, then you feel like it. 

Kylie: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. And, you know, and sometimes, you know, having the vision and then, you know, I, I sort of, sometimes I like this phrase and sometimes I don’t fake it till you make it, you know? Yeah, yeah.

Imagine that person, or imagine that you are already there. You know, and then act accordingly. Yeah, yeah. Because sometimes, sometimes, you know, sort of feeling, you know, as we talked about, you know, in that victim mode, or I’m overweight because I’m too busy, I don’t have time to eat well, I can’t do this, I can’t do that.

You know, when we’re in that, it’s, it’s hard to sort of see that, you know, those other things are possible. But if we just sort of, I choose to eat a better lunch today. I choose to go for a walk this afternoon. I choose to catch up with a girlfriend for a walk on a, on the weekend, [00:26:00] you know, and just switching it around.

Yeah. And then we can take it bigger. I choose to get a better job that I enjoy, I choose to, you know? 

Edwina: Absolutely. And you know, I do with my clients, I do what we call a personal contract or it’s like a little, a touchstone in your life that you can use to get you back on track. And so we do this work where we work out who you want to be as a woman.

Yes. So if you want to be confident, generous and audacious, then you, then you, like, you pick three words and you then use that, you embody it. So how does a confident, generous, audacious woman dress herself? How does she feed herself? That is a way of stepping into a more empowered or a, a more exciting version of who you are [00:27:00] that will support you to do things a little differently.

 And it can be, you know, like this is not a, a heavy exercise. This is, this should be fun. You know, imagine when you get up in the morning and go, okay, so if I am a sensual, audacious, courageous woman, How do I dress myself? 

Kylie: Yeah, you’re not hiding under the black, floppy layers. Yeah. Yeah. It might start with fabulous earrings, lipstick. 

Edwina: Yeah, that’s right. 

Kylie: You can’t see Edwina right now because obviously this is audio. But I have the, the pleasure of looking at her and she’s gorgeous. And she always has amazing lipstick, amazing earrings, and a beautiful smile.

Edwina: Well, it, it, it changes how I show up in life. And I, you know, I, like so many women got in a bit of a funk over covid and it’s like, why, why bother, the [00:28:00] why bother funk. But it, you know, it affects my mood significantly. So my, my daughter who’s since left home, she’s 19 and absolutely gorgeous. She’s fabulous. And we would have this giggle because our outing, you know, during Covid was to go to the supermarket. And so we would, we would get dressed to go to the supermarket and it just, it shifts your experience of life. It shifts my experience of life. I can’t speak for other people, but that’s my experience.

Kylie: Absolutely. Absolutely. So, yeah, definitely. Edwina, thank you so much. This has been amazing. Now I feel like I want to work with you, you know, because we can always, wherever we are, I think, you know, we’ve got the natural thirst for self-improvement and self, you know, exploration. And I think, you know, this time of life is a perfect kind of changing point.

It’s, you know, [00:29:00] it’s also too, it’s possible to reinvent ourselves at this point, you know, a hundred percent. 

Edwina: Oh, absolutely. And we, I think we should, I think we should, you know, we’ve, we’ve come… 

Kylie: You don’t have to be that school girl, that insecure school, girl, we can let that go, you know? 

Edwina: Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, why wouldn’t we do a midlife makeover?

You know, it’s, it’s, it’s not just about what we dress and it’s how we think and the beliefs that we have about who we are and what’s possible for us. And with my clients I work through, we have four pillars, so, and it’s about health, wealth, time and love. Health is physical and mental health. Wealth is tapping into the abundance of the universe and letting go of self-limiting beliefs that stop us from bringing in what we want.

Health, wealth, time. It is time for things that matter and love, love for self and love for others. Yeah, love is pivotal to everything and you know, the [00:30:00] ultimate act of self-love is personal responsibility. So I, I walk my clients through, you know, we use those four pillars and if we look at making over those four things, then absolutely anything is possible.

Kylie: Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely. I love that. Alright, so Edwina, where can that lady, where, you know, if someone wants to find out more about you, where can we find you? 

Edwina: So I’ve got a free Facebook group that is called Women 50 Plus get unstuck and up level. So that’s a free Facebook group where I talk about, you know, how we, you know, all these different pieces that I’ve talked about here.

So that is a free group and it’s a, a beautiful community. If your community wants to come and find us there, there’s probably some of them are already there because our interviews from more extraordinary every day is inside that group. If your audience wants to come in there, they can be part of this conversation and they can also [00:31:00] find the fabulous interview that we did is inside there and then for those that wanna go on and work with me, I have, I run a mastermind every year and I’ve got a new mastermind that will be starting now, it’s called In Full Bloom, and it is a more extraordinary everyday life design masterclass. But if you’re in that free Facebook group, you’ll hear more about that in there. 

Kylie: Yeah. Beautiful. All right, well, I’ll make sure that the links to that Facebook group are in the show notes, which will get shared with everyone. And of course you can find the podcast at kyliepinwill.com/podcast.

 And if you’re on my email list, it does get emailed to you. And yeah, it also gets posted in our Facebook group too. So we’ll put this out. And yeah, I highly encourage anyone who’s got that curiosity and is looking for, you know, choosing themselves, to take personal [00:32:00] responsibility and, you know, and you really can redesign your life.

And I think that’s the exciting opportunity that we all have. 

Edwina: Yeah, and it gets to be fun. We get so bogged down in all the things that we have to do and all the things that we should do. But this is, you know, like I talk about hanging out in the ultimate playroom, which is your imagination.

So if you had no fear, And if you could let go of what anyone else might think or say. If money wasn’t an option, if you could let go of all the things that limit how you think about what you wanna do in life and just hang out in this fabulous playroom, which is, you know, like the communities that I create, but also in your imagination, just go, well, what if, What if I could? Yes. You know, what would I do? Who would I be? What would I have? Yeah. And then we, then we get to support you with the, you know, support and accountability to bring that vision to life. 

Kylie: Love it. Love it. Well, Edwina, thank you so much [00:33:00] for your time and thank you everyone for listening, and we will see you in the next episode.